Marriage without sex is impossible. But is it really so and what to do about a sexless marriage? The modern world is diverse, people feel more and more freedom and can start any relationship without looking back at the generally accepted “laws of life”. For some, sex life before marriage is an absolute norm, someone accepts only sex on their wedding night, and so on. For someone, intimacy is not important at all, because marriage without sex today is a variant of the norm. According to sexless marriage statistics, about 15 percent of married couples have relationships without sexual life.
So what is asexual marriage? According to the sexless marriage definition, this is a relationship between two partners in which there is no sex. Sexual life may be completely absent, or it may be that sex is present, but this may be very rare (for example, less than 10 times a year). Today you will read everything about asexual relationships, their causes, and how to deal with the problem later in the article.
3 Types of Sexless Marriages to Know
In today’s world we can find several options for asexual marriages:
- Classical. Both spouses support life in a marriage without sex, they agree on this at the beginning of the relationship. Such families are not necessarily childfree, they can have children, so they only have sex to conceive. Both spouses have different priorities; they love and support each other and can even show tenderness in the form of kisses and hugs, but they do not live sexually.
- Virtual. These people not only do not fulfill their marital duty, but they also do not even live together, and in real life they can meet very rarely, preferring online communication. Now we are talking not only about online relationships but about real marriage: such couples can even meet for the sake of applying to the registry office and painting. But then they diverge in different directions and continue communicating by correspondence, audio, or video communications.
- According to circumstances. A year without sex in marriage is a test for many, and these people are forced to live like this all the time. Moreover, earlier relations were ordinary, but due to some cases, intimacy is now impossible or prohibited. It could be long-distance relationships, religious obligations, health problems, or even a disability. Often after this, conflicts arise in the family, one of the spouses begins to cheat, and the couple gets divorced. Some partners accept the circumstances and continue to love each other, living in a legal marriage without sex.
Why Do Sexless Marriages Occur?
There are many possible causes when it comes to sexless marriages, and sometimes the exact reason is difficult to pinpoint. Here are some common causes why one or both partners may not be interested in sex.
If you do not get rid of resentments that tend to accumulate, but keep silent about your discontent, sooner or later this will lead to an explosion. Some, in order to show their wounded feelings, become cold to a partner, and start to play mind games, which only pushes them away.
Living together, despite all its advantages, is incredibly difficult. For example, constant joint pastime and everyday life is addictive, which reduces the severity of feelings. A possible reason for the occurrence of complications in sexual life is that the partners have become “too familiar.” Proximity and kinship of souls are good and even beautiful, but everything that is too much is bad. When a wife becomes a guardian mother for her husband, she goes to the “relatives” section, and sex with them is basically impossible for a psychologically healthy person. That’s why you should always keep a balance.
Some are faced with the idea that the partner was not as good as at the beginning of the relationship. You may no longer be physically attracted to your partner and you are not drawn to sex. Enough to talk about it with each other.
The appearance of children
A wonderful and touching moment for almost every person is associated with the changes, and at the same time, the difficulties that have arisen in the life of young parents. In this case, several “culprits” are noted at once, which relegate intimate life to the background. The reasons lie in fatigue, sleepless nights, self-doubt, dissatisfaction with the body, increased attention to the child, and, accordingly, distance from the partner.
How Can Sexless Marriage Affect Mental Health?
It is essential to know that sex and a healthy sex life are very important in a relationship and also for the health of both partners. What can not be said about asexual relationships and marriages. Often they are accompanied by quarrels, insults, and misunderstandings, which negatively affect the state of people (physical and mental health).
What a sexless marriage does to a woman? Over time, they often begin to feel less attractive, their self-esteem decreases, and women think that they are no longer worthy of love. This is very bad for girls.
As for the dangers of sexless marriage, such relationships make people feel alone, unwanted and rejected. Negative feelings lead to depression, anger, cheating, drinking alcohol, overeating, etc.
Despite the fact that you may feel disappointed and it may seem to you that it is impossible to save relationship, keep in mind that everything can be improved, the main thing is to have a desire.
1. Communication is the key to problem-solving
The ability to communicate and figure out what’s bothering you is a good skill for building healthy relationships. Communication is also important for sex life. What should you discuss with a partner? To dot all the and, consider the following tips:
- Tell your partner what you really think about your current relationship. How do you feel about not having sex? The main thing is not to be shy or sincere. How do you deal with a sexless married life? Tell your partner about your feelings and concerns. Also, try to listen and understand them.
- Tell them about problems (if they are related to health). Do not be ashamed of this, a loving partner should understand and support you. It is important to talk openly about problems because they can be an obstacle to healthy sex.
- Be understanding. Do not think that your partner is to blame for the lack of sex in your relationship. Ask them if there are any good reasons for this. Maybe they’re not feeling well, tired from work, or not in the mood to have sex tonight.
2. Get closer
It is important to understand that in addition to sex, partners should have other physical intimacy. This may include physical touches, such as:
- Tactile caresses
In addition to physical intimacy between partners, there must also be emotional intimacy. For example, these are deep joint conversations, and good times spent together. Showing affection, whether verbal or physical, can be an effective way to bring sex back into a relationship.
3. Warm up the passion in each other
About 70% of men say that their sexual desire depends on whether their partner wants it. At first, of course, both of you turn on literally at first sight, and then the routine develops into and around the bedroom. It is important to say pleasant words to each other: to praise him in a new suit or you with a new hairstyle, to please the partner in small things. A man should also give the girl compliments and surprises: buy her new underwear or send her to a beauty salon. So she can feel like a queen, you will see her in a new light and it will definitely come to sex.
4. Spice it up
Routine is something that always follows partners who are living together. It comes to the point that partners are simply not interested in having sex with each other. To overcome this, come up with new ways to do it: new poses, new places, new role-plays (spice up sexless marriage). It is known that couples who have variety in their intimate lives are more satisfied with sex than those couples who have forgotten what great sex is.
5. Think about sex more
Just start thinking about sex for 5 minutes a day, imagine it, visualize it. This simple recommendation will help see that desire has indeed been revived. Driving home from work, think not about what you did and what you did not do, but about the wonderful sex that you like. You will see how your sex life will change. Again, if you don’t believe, check it out.
6. Have dates
As we noted above, well-established communication is necessary for the emergence of desire. In fact, everything is easier than it seems. Remember how at first you were fascinated by each other’s every word, trying to learn more about the inner world and aspirations. Over time, you relaxed, because you learned a lot, and stopped showing curiosity.
It’s easy to start talking again. Evening, you are lying in bed and going to sleep… You can begin a small dialogue for a couple of minutes, starting with the events of the past day… and find that an hour has already passed! Next time, move the conversation to the kitchen after dinner, then to the restaurant.
What to Do if You Can not Establish a Sexual Life in Any Way?
Couples are invited to remember the whole history of their relationship: when they had a lot of sex and when it went into decline. Once you analyze all this, you can understand what needs to be changed in your life so that there is again a place in it for sex, which you enjoy. For example, you had very cool sex in the bathroom when you were on vacation in the Maldives. You do not need to return to the islands, it is enough just to understand why you remember that particular night. Perhaps the sex was very romantic or spontaneous – it can be the same at your home.
When should you walk away from a sexless marriage? If you cannot fix the situation at all, and your partner does not want to establish a sexual life in a couple, think about breaking up. After all, this will not lead to anything good, but will only worsen your relationship in the long run.
Can sexless marriages survive and does it have a future? Yes, it is quite real, but it has its consequences. In our opinion, such marriages are not focused on a long successful relationship. After all, sex in a couple is one of the signs of a healthy connection. If you’re facing this kind of problem in your relationship, everything can be fixed. What to do about a sexless marriage? We are sure that reading the following article was already the first step towards resolving this unpleasant situation.
Dennis Farley began his career as a dating coach after earning his degree in Pshycology from University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). He quickly realized that many people struggled with dating and relationships, and that there was a need for clear, practical advice that could help people find love and happiness.